I Go Away

So uh, I had my going away party at work today, like they normally do this thing where your manager picks a bar, sends out an e-mail and everyone comes out to wish you a farewell. I did not really want to do one, ok honestly, I was super against it. I dont really hang out with these folks on the regular, and i am not one of those 'fake it till you make it' corporate dudes.

If i am not felling you, you are going to know that I am not feeling you. However i thought it would be pretenious, and rude to turn down the opportunity for my manager to plan a going away. I am trying to embrace celebration, I normally dont want anyone to do anything for me, like throw parties, get-togethers etc. But i feel like if people WANT to celebrate you than you should let them.

Fast Foward to 5pm when my little shin-dig was supposed to start, I got to the bar right on time, my thinking was...I should be the first person there so that when people got there i could speak and thank them for coming out...

Fast foward to 5:20 me and Blair, a girl i met at the bar, where about 10 minutes into a conversation, she was in town on business and happend to be at the bar for a drink, I was trying to read between the lines, as the stories she was serving did not sit right with me. But it was just her and i sitting there as i kept doing the look-over-at-the-door-everytime-it-opens-thing. So i am half listening to this girl at the bar, when finally my manager walks in, we had some akward conversation, my girl shows up about 10 minutes later which was cool, and that was it...like no one else showed up. So 35 more akward minutes of Blair, Steph, Damon and I, talking about Sydney and then everyone left.

Blair was cool though and somehow actually brought some normalcy to the entire situation. Since she was not aware of the akwardness, she was just kind of in the moment, bought us a drink and even made plans to go to a strip club later...

anyways i am blogging about this because i think it is introspectively relevent. normally i would be embarrased that no one showed up, that was not the case this time. I felt a sense of relief, as if it was a push in the right direction. No one supported me, which let me know even stonger that i am making the right move. I am following a plan, crossing my t's...red dotting my I's...I am on target, loaded...with god on my sholder, love in my heart, and the world in my palm. I cannot be stopped, because I said so.